What I want our son to know...

This period of waiting for our court date is taking its toll on my heart. Up until seeing our son's picture I was very patient with the whole waiting game of adoption. After all, it's one we know well. You always hear the statistics about orphans in the world. Not that a person ever gets immune to hearing the heart breaking numbers of parentless children it just doesn't impact you the way it does when one of them becomes YOUR child! Everything changes in the moment. Everything. He is no longer an orphan but he is our son. He has a name & he has personality (from what we hear a pretty great one). He is wanted. He is loved. HE NEEDS TO GET HOME! I know adopting one child only puts a tiny dent in the number of orphans in the world right now but it changes everything for this little boy and for our family. Since I cannot stop thinking about our son I wrote him a letter today. I wasn't going to share it but I decided to. I want others to know how we are feeling and how insanely excited we are to be a family of 4. Glory be to God!

B (I can't wait to share his full name with you), 

You have been on my mind constantly since I saw your picture almost 3 weeks ago now. When I go to sleep, you are here. When I make dinner for dad & Cruz, you are here. When I pick up the floor scattered with little boy toys, you are here. You aren’t physically here but you are here in my heart. I eagerly anticipate the day I get to hold your hand, rub your back, learn about your life, cook your favorite meals and be your mom. Every evening I think about you in your bed halfway around the world. I wonder what your favorite color is, what games you like to play, what makes you laugh and so many other things. I love you so deeply already. My heart desperately wants to share in your struggles & rejoice with you in your triumphs. I want to be the one you run to when your feelings get hurt or your knee gets scraped. I look forward to watching you play sports, cheering you on from the sidelines. I can’t wait to proudly introduce you to the world as my son! I do realize however, that the reason I will get to do these things is because of loss. Because your first mother whom you love left you too soon, because you’ve had to experience things a child your age should never have to endure, because we live in a world that is filled with pain and suffering, because others have let you down. One thing I know without a doubt, my sweet son is that we believe in a God who loves new beginnings, who can restore our broken hearts, who meets us where we are at in life and fully accepts us, loves us & wants nothing more than to show us His greatness. Our God understands our frustration, feels our pain & eagerly adopts us into His family. It is my prayer that you will always feel loved, that you will always have hope & that you will always know how much God adores you. 

Since the moment I laid eyes on your picture I just knew you were my son. I knew I was meant to be your second mother, I KNEW God had a beautiful plan for your life. I consider it a blessing to be in the process right now of bringing you home to be a part of our family. I love you, son. More than you know.

XOXO

Mom