B (I can't wait to share his full name with you),
You have been on my mind constantly since I saw your picture almost 3 weeks ago now. When I go to sleep, you are here. When I make dinner for dad & Cruz, you are here. When I pick up the floor scattered with little boy toys, you are here. You aren’t physically here but you are here in my heart. I eagerly anticipate the day I get to hold your hand, rub your back, learn about your life, cook your favorite meals and be your mom. Every evening I think about you in your bed halfway around the world. I wonder what your favorite color is, what games you like to play, what makes you laugh and so many other things. I love you so deeply already. My heart desperately wants to share in your struggles & rejoice with you in your triumphs. I want to be the one you run to when your feelings get hurt or your knee gets scraped. I look forward to watching you play sports, cheering you on from the sidelines. I can’t wait to proudly introduce you to the world as my son! I do realize however, that the reason I will get to do these things is because of loss. Because your first mother whom you love left you too soon, because you’ve had to experience things a child your age should never have to endure, because we live in a world that is filled with pain and suffering, because others have let you down. One thing I know without a doubt, my sweet son is that we believe in a God who loves new beginnings, who can restore our broken hearts, who meets us where we are at in life and fully accepts us, loves us & wants nothing more than to show us His greatness. Our God understands our frustration, feels our pain & eagerly adopts us into His family. It is my prayer that you will always feel loved, that you will always have hope & that you will always know how much God adores you.
Since the moment I laid eyes on your picture I just knew you were my son. I knew I was meant to be your second mother, I KNEW God had a beautiful plan for your life. I consider it a blessing to be in the process right now of bringing you home to be a part of our family. I love you, son. More than you know.